Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Ton Ten Tuesday - Bad Ass Girls: Celeb Edition

Now these are in no particular order, because I don't want to sit here and contemplate who's the baddest amongst these bitches that I've chosen. Which could result in hours of arguing back and forth with myself. Hey - I'm a Gemini, this shit happens.

So here we go. The bitches we all love to hate.

Lindsay Lohan: “The Good Girl, Gone Bad.” We all know her from the days when she played in Disney films with her gorgeous red hair and cute little freckled face. And now you can see this bitch all over the tabloids for her over the top behavior, of - smoking crack, driving under the influence, and showing the world that she’s a failed actress turned big bertha’s bitch, one magazine at a time. But, that’s why we all love her right?

Britney Spears: Another Disney star turned bad girl. I recall seeing her singing on the Mickey Mouse club with my man Justin Timberlake. (Hey, fuck you – he’s hot.) Once they broke up, she decided it was time to become a hooker and get with that Kevin Federline fella and pop out kids. She’s just a misunderstood girl who uses her sexuality to get her way, like most women do. That’s the power of vaginas.

Paris Hilton: She made her appearance to the world by making her One Night in Paris sex tape, public – which subsequently got more viewers for her reality TV show, The Simple Life. Even though her sex tape was the lamest piece of shit I’ve ever stumbled upon, it was still good marketing from a smart, yet bad, bitch! She doesn’t mind showing the paparazzi her vagina and I’m surprised I have yet to see it on a box of summer’s eve douche. “Paris, freshening the world - one vagina at a time” - In the new skank scent, which consists of booze, cigarettes and a hint of hot garbage. And I’m sure we would all graciously buy it, because we’re that bad ass and don’t give a SHIT!

Madonna: Here’s the real OG! Most note-ably for being a bad girl pop princess for her songs “Like a Virgin” and “Vogue”, but also for insinuating oral sex with a dog in her book titled, “SEX”. NO one call pull that shit off, unless you’re of course – Madonna, the real bad ass bitch or Opto-Mom who wouldn’t mind fucking a goat to get into the bad girls club. You decide.

Angelina Jolie: Although she may not be a REAL bad girl in life, she plays numerous bad ass chicks in lots of films, like “Tomb Raider” and “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.” Her DSL’s are her trademark – every guy wants them around their cock and every girl wants to own them like the next fucking Gucci bag. She’s also been known to be a freak in the streets with her ex beau, Billy Bob Thorton. They would secretly fuck in their limo before arriving to the red carpet, and the best part is, they didn’t care if they smelled like sex – because they’re that fucking good at being bad.

Courtney Love: The skankiest bitch alive, who will suck your dick for a crack rock. Enough said?

Kat Von D: I never knew what all the fuss was about with her, until I looked at her fucking awesome tattoos. They’re truly badass and make me want to get a sleeve. But, then I start thinking about what I’d look like at 80 and then it hits me! I’d be the baddest fucking grandma at BINGO.

Lil Kim: Anyone that is 5’ and packs a punch like Mike Tyson is one bad bitch. But, why did she fuck up her face with all that plastic surgery? I sure as hell wouldn’t say that to her face though, I’d get knocked the fuck out and I’m almost a foot taller.

Rose McGowan: Not only does she have the sexy vixen look, but she dated the creepiest looking guy on the fucking planet, Marilyn Manson. That takes some bad ass gag reflex skill right there! I remember Rose from her role in Jawbreaker and the tv series Charmed. And I always thought she was too much of a bad girl for that show, since it was way too weird seeing her play someone sane with magical powers. Then she starred in Planet Terror, where she had a machine gun for a fucking leg. It doesn’t get more bad ass than that.

Jenna Jameson: We all are jealous of this bitch, because she gets copious amounts of dick AND vagina. Although she’s looking a little rough around the edges with her old age, I still love her for her cheesey ass fucking role in Zombie Strippers. That name right there deserves 3 fucking stars and then another star for her zombie ass shooting golf AND bowling balls out of her vagina. Lots of bad ass WIN to be had with that must see movie!

Also, these came up off the top of my head. So, if there’s someone I’m missing that should have been here instead. Don’t forget to mention it in the comments; we could get a debate going, for serious.

From Sleeping in the Wet Spot


  1. On my List...

    Michelle Rodriguez - Fast and the Furious? Resident Evil? Even Avatar... love her bad ass!

    Demi Moore - I know I know... she's a skanky OLD hag... but she used to have it. GI Jane?

    And my #1 badass that didn't make your list?

    I know... her music's not for everyone and she has a very 'zen' attitude about life. But this woman was buzzing off her locks long befoe Brit or Demi... And frankly, I tip my crown to any woman who has the BALLS to tear up a picture of the Pope on National TV to express her outrage. And if that isn't enough... the way she handled the crowd at the Bob Dylan tribute when they refused to let her sing... She's REAL... She didn't do it to boost ratings or sell albums. And she stood her ground, took the whole world's shit, and handled it with class!

  2. I love, love Angelina Jolie and Rose McGowan. They are freakin' awesome.

    I gotta say though, I also love some Dita Von Tesse, let's not forget who came before Ms. Rose!

    She is one smokin' hot babe, and pretty bad ass herself.

  3. I was contemplating putting Michelle Rodriguez on there since I just seen her in Machete recently. She does have that bad ass charm to her in all movies, and she's hot as hell!

    Hmm, I'm not so sure about Demi. I think she's only bad-ass because she can score some hot, young, dick!

  4. I love this list!! I would fuck any and all of these Bad-Ass Bitches right now! I'm so happy you have Jenna on there cuz she is my personal favorite. The pic you have of Madonna is a classic that I remember from my teen years. ;-) I'd be more than willing to be the nightly sex slave of those Madonna and Jenna's from yesteryear. Of course I'd have the body I had 10 yrs ago too lol

  5. This is the second time I've heard of Zombie Strippers in two days...time to download!

  6. FANTASTIC list...def. some bad bitches!