Monday Guest Post: Foursquare: 4 Tips to Working the Best Boy Stalking Tool Yet Invented by Mankind

Morning Bad Girls! The following guest poster has yet to start her own blog- but i think she needs to get on that because I want more! Tell her how much you love her shit in the comments- lets get this girl a blogspot! The stage is your Ina...

Upon my first download and install of the oft-touted, but little understood Foursquare, the magnitude of the cute boy stalking opportunities presented by this magical and convenient new social media game at once became glaringly conspicuous. Now don’t get me wrong, I am currently (and happily) affianced to a very cute boy myself, but after being presented with an application that could have altered my single life irrevocably, I can only mutter under my breath: Where were you Foursquare when I needed you!

Yes, I’ve spent many a quasi-psychotic hour (or four) obsessively Googling and Facebooking Cute Boy de rigeur. But never before have I been able to uncover such a treasure trove of to-the-minute GPS-verified data on his exact whereabouts. The boy stalking opportunities are positively overwhelming. Here are my juiciest tips for getting the most out of Foursquare, your boy-finding friend.

Tip #1 – Never Change Outfits Again

By friending Cute Boy, you will now be privy to every place he checks in to, in real time. This creates an amazing plethora of “chance” encounter-type opportunities. But unlike some of your more feeble attempts in high school (walking past his 3^rd period class ad nauseam, “accidentally” dropping your books when he passed your locker), Foursquare allows you to approach this opportunity with poise and dignity. Now you’ll not only be clad in an ensemble that is ideal for his current location, you’ll also be tipped off on his likes, inclinations and habits. Saturday morning at that new sports bar in Hollywood, Happy Ending? 50/50 shot he’s either a die hard USC or a Notre Dame fan, giving you a highly propitious chance of picking the right jersey to pull out of your closet while you’re running out the door.

Tip #2 – Don’t they have the best lobster mashed potatoes here?

The moment of your perfectly orchestrated “chance” encounter is imminent. While you’re looking for parking, you also have the chance to peruse Foursquares’ handy-dandy tips left by other helpful Foursquarians. Yes, maybe you have never been to Happy Ending before. Luckily, Cute Boy will never know this unfortunate omission because upon your arrival, armed with the knowledge of your Foursquare brethren, you will be able to rattle off not only the best items on the menu, but deftly order the coveted secret drink, in this case, the Naughty Girl Scout.

Tip #3 – Change Tactics With A Carefully Placed Check-In

After a few of these chance encounters, Mr. Boyfriend Material might be starting to catch onto you. If you get the feeling that now is the time to back off and create that “air of mystery,” it’s your turn to start checking-in. Now listen close, as this is something Foursquare might not want me telling you: You don’t actually have to be at a location to check-in there. This might feel a little strange and uncomfortable at first, but ask yourself: Have I been to The Edison before? Does the fact that I’m not there at this moment exactly really matter? Am I going to let a little thing like reality stand in the way of true love? Also, you want to make sure you’re always leaving a few choice nuggets here and there, announcing to the virtual world all the amazingly fun places you go. Because what if, just what if, Cute Boy is looking for you?

Tip #4 – Foursquare May Betray You

An unfortunate truth about Foursquare is that it only works if Cute Boy checks-in. And, since most people do have to work and are already spending that time updating their Facebook page, there could be dry periods when you go without check-ins for literally hours. The day might even come when he stops checking in all together, leaving you in a Foursquare-less void, stranded at the El Pollo Loco at Vine and Santa Monica, incapable of deciding to go to Downtown or West Hollywood. But that’s really the least likely scenario—chances are you’ll be on to bigger and better Foursquare quests before that day ever comes. After all, you are the mayor of the Sunset and Argyle Coffee Bean. Cute Boy who?