Monday, July 25, 2011

Bad Girl Meteorologists

Today we have SaucyB guest posting for us about how things would be so much easier if Bad Girls were Meteorologists! Thanks SaucyB! Check out her blog and follow her on twitter!
At this writing, we’re having a massive heat wave here in my home state of New Jersey.  And while the weatherman certainly does his best to work that Doppler radar, I think the weather forecast would be a lot more accurate, and a lot more informative, if bad girls were meteorologists.  

Allow me to demonstrate…

Traditional Forecast:  90F Mostly cloudy skies.  Hot and humid.  Scattered thunderstorms likely.  Chance of precipitation 70%.
Bad Girl Version:  It will be the meteorological equivalent of ass outside today.  Put down the flat iron and pick up the scrunchy. It’s totally not worth the effort.

Traditional Forecast: 40F Rain, heavy at times.  Windy.  Chance of precipitation 80%.
Bad Girl Version: It’s going to be total shit outside today.  Do yourself a favor - pop in a good movie, pour yourself a drink and just sit this one out.

Traditional Forecast: 85F Sunny with clear skies.  Chance of precipitation 0%.
Bad Girl Version:  Girls, get yourselves to the salon and get your cha chas waxed because you’re going to want to put on a bathing suit and catch some rays today.

Traditional Forecast: 98F Mostly sunny skies.  Hot and humid.  Heat index near 110F.  
Bad Girl Version:  Tit sweat is imminent.  If you love granny, keep her inside in the air conditioning.

Traditional Forecast: 25F Sunny.  Clear skies.
Bad Girl Version: Colder than a witch’s tit.

Traditional Forecast: 15F Partly sunny skies.   Windy.  Feels like 10F.  
Bad Girl’s Version:  Colder than witch’s tit in a cast iron bra.

Traditional Forecast:  4F Mostly cloudy.  High winds.  Feels like: -2F  
Bad Girl Version:  Colder than a witches tit in a cast iron bra on the shade side of a mountain.  Oh for fuck’s sake, just do NOT go outside today unless you want to freeze your balls off!

Traditional Forecast:  30F Cloudy with heavy snow showers.   Accumulation of 16 - 18” expected.
Bad Girl Version:  Brace yourselves, school is going to be closed and those little fuckers probably aren’t going back for a good two days.   Cigarettes?  Smoke’m if you got’em.  Xanax prescription?  Make sure that shit is refilled.

Traditional Forecast: 75F Sunny with clear skies.  Light breeze.  Chance of precipitation 0%.
Bad Girl Version: Go call out sick.  It’s to going to be way too nice outside to waste the day rotting in your office.  And let’s be honest, you really didn’t want to deal with your douche of a boss today anyway.

So who wants the job?  Which bad girl out there is ready to put weather girl on their resume?

17 comments:

  1. Hehehe - now THAT is a weather forecaster that I'd tune in to listen to every damn day.
    Nice one, hun ;)

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  2. I love itwhen it was wintertime here my gf and I judge the coldness on the NEF nipple erectability factor. The harder the nipples the colder it is

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  3. RIGHT ON THE MONEY SAucy !!! We should have our own radio station !!

    Awesome post.

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  4. I guess I would like to hear a weather reporter say, "Tit sweat is imminent." Didn't realize it til just now.

    jill
    http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com

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  5. I agree, would make it worth listening to. Stupid censors

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  6. Traditional Forecast: 30F Cloudy with heavy snow showers. Accumulation of 16 - 18” expected.

    My version: We have no kids, so time to sleep in, wake up enough to pounce hubby in his sleep for sex, then stay snuggled in bed until he gets done cooking breakfast around noon ;) I love snow days!

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  7. This totally made my night and was great for a good chuckle I will deffinatly be following now!

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  8. I would actually watch the news for that shit.

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  9. I hopped over from Rockin Mama's. i love the way you think. To the point and perfectly relatable lol

    Will be a new follower!

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  10. Thanks fellow bad girls for all of the GREAT comments. I love making people laugh, so this really made my day. :)

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  11. Great Post Saucy! Thanks for joining us ;)

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  12. OMG, This is hysterical, Saucy B! Sorry to hear about your heatwave, though. Hope it gets better over there soon! Stay indoors in the AC and listen to that bad ass weather girl. She knows!

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  13. Hahaaaa, that had me laughing my sweaty ass off :)

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  14. Loving your version of the weather forcast! Don't suppose the Philly channels would hire you to do late night weather? Send your commentary into Letterman--you might end up w/a late night spot!

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  15. Love it! Tit sweat is always emminent. Use your deodorant or antipersperant. Who ever said it was for underarms only?

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  16. BWUAHAHAHHAHA!!!! This is hysterical. The part about the witch's tit in a cast iron bra nearly had me spit out my water. Nicely done, Saucy!

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